Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
