The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
