2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
