dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Someone came in the potted fern
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
