Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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