I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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