I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
