I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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