I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
