At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
