just tell him i said nine months
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
