i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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