I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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