her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
