My cat gives me a boner
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
