your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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