Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
