So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
