you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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