Don't you send me to vm
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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