You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
