Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
