His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
