Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
