youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
