my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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