He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
