I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?