I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.