Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something