I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Floor bacon is actually really good