i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..