I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
