Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
