If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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