my soul wont recognize me after tonight
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
