she woke up with a sticky ear
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
