I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
