I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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