yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
