her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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