Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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