plz talk dirty to me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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