Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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