eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize