He uses pillows to masturbate.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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