Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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