Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
