My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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