overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
