He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
