in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
tell me about the fingering
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