I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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