you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
