Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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