Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You ruined the universe
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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