your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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