You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
