my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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