Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
50% drunk capacity currently
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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