please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My liver just had a heart attack.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
