Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
