3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
