well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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