How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just pee around me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
