barbara walters just said penis...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
