your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
