i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
