God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize