we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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