i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im holly from the hills drunk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
