I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
