OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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