Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
